Written by, Rachel Kove. Certified Recovery Coach, Podcast Host, Author, Actress, Singer/Song-Writer.
Recently, I was watching You’ve Got Mail, a ’90s movie with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. I absolutely loved this movie—not just because I adore those actors or because it was filmed in the ’90s. What really struck me was the absence of phones. No one was sitting at dinner glued to a screen. No one was looking down at their phone while their kid played at the park. People weren’t checking social media first thing in the morning with the alarm clock.
I became emotional. I started to feel sad and nostalgic. I missed those days—days where people were present in public spaces, where faces weren’t buried in screens. Days where we could sit in movie theaters in the dark without seeing the distraction of moving visuals between scenes. I miss the days where we could stand in line at the grocery store or Target and actually engage with people around us. Instead, we’re all looking down. Down at these computers in our hands.
I sat there, taking deep breaths, reminiscing on moments from my past when cell phones weren’t present. It feels like such a huge problem that affects all of our lives, and most people are on autopilot, not even realizing how attached they are to their phones.
I asked myself, What can fix this?
We can’t completely return to a time without phones or screens. Technology is a part of our lives now. And while there are certainly negative consequences from overuse of phones, social media, and digital addiction, there is also a lot of good that comes from technology. I’m not dismissing the positives. My goal is to create more awareness and offer solutions that help cultivate more presence and joy in our lives.
So what do we do? How do we empower ourselves to take control of our relationship with phones and screens?
The answer, in my experience, is introducing and implementing technology boundaries.
We need to have technology boundaries with ourselves. We need to have conversations and systems in place in our homes and relationships that create space from our devices. Nothing will change until we have awareness around our behaviors.
Boundaries are what we say yes and no to. A therapist I once listened to described boundaries as “an invisible line that you are in charge of placing whenever you need to.” You can have boundaries with your thoughts, your emotions, your relationships—and yes, your phones.
I’ve facilitated thousands of mental health groups, working with people all throughout the country. One pattern I see over and over is how deeply disconnected we are from ourselves and each other because of our phones. I see the struggle every day. People have no boundaries with their phones, and it’s impacting their relationships, their attention, their ability to rest, and their capacity for connection.
Experts have stated, “We are living in the most connected and disconnected time in human history.”
In my opinion, even though we’re more connected than ever, we’re also in a loneliness epidemic. Being present without distraction is nearly impossible unless you’re deep in the forest with no humans or cell towers around. But we can’t all live in the forest. Life is full. We have jobs, kids, responsibilities. We need our phones to check emails, text, FaceTime, access apps. The phone itself isn’t the problem—just like with substances or any other compulsive behavior. The issue is our relationship to the phone.
It’s our dependency. It’s the anxiety we feel when we’re not checking it. It’s the belief that we’re relaxing when we’re scrolling—but we’re not. We’re checking out. We’re escaping. We’re numbing.
And is it okay to do that sometimes? Of course. But we need balance.
These are often signs of deeper emotional distress. Our counseling team at AM Health Care supports individuals struggling with anxiety, stress, and the need to escape.
How frustrating is it when you’re having a vulnerable conversation with someone and they start texting in the middle of it? Or when you’re trying to listen to a loved one but you’re checking work emails and seeing who liked your Instagram post?
We’ve got to reintegrate mindfulness practices to be present with each other. We must prioritize presence with one another. Being present with each other is how we feel connected. Eye contact. Asking questions. Answering questions. Relating to one another. Sharing opinions and how we feel about things. In my opinion, most people are overstimulated, stressed, and feel the need to disconnect from that stress. If we are stressed all the time, we aren’t feeling safe to be present.
Dr. Gabor Maté says, “Safety is not the absence of threat; it is the presence of connection.”
We need presence to feel safe with one another. When we are truly present, we help each other relax. Our bodies and brains are designed to co-regulate each other’s nervous systems, creating a sense of calm and connection. But that co-regulation can’t happen if we’re constantly withdrawing into our phones or living in a perpetual state of fight or flight. We need safe, uninterrupted, peaceful, present connection.
I have had people in my life who know that if I am talking to them, I won’t continue talking to them if they are looking at their phone. It’s rude. They don’t mean to be rude. They are unconscious. The dopamine that they are getting from the phone is creating an addiction. The phone is providing them with relief and comfort. Validation. Yes, you are connected, but it is a false sense of connection.
“This is the great irony of social media: the more you immerse yourself in it, the more lonely and depressed you become.” — Jonathan Haidt, The Anxious Generation
I’m not blaming the phones. I’m pointing to our lack of boundaries with them.
We need connection. Human beings are wired for it. We need to be outside. We need to be listening to music together. We need to be disconnected from technology at different points throughout our day so we can reconnect with our minds, bodies, and spirits.
We need to have hours away to relax—to not feel the pull to grab something that interrupts the flow of the moment. How can any of us relax if we know we are going to be pulled away from the moment? It can’t happen.
I’m tired of going to restaurants and seeing phones on every table. I recently went out for frozen yogurt and saw four teenage girls sitting with their moms. Every teen was glued to her phone. Their eyes never left the screen. The moms clearly wanted to engage—but their daughters weren’t present.
Same thing at an Italian restaurant. A family of four sat next to me—mom, dad, two kids—all on their phones. No one was speaking. And we wonder why we’re all so depressed?
The demands of modern life are intense. The amount of information we’re exposed to daily is, in my opinion, creating an obscene level of anxiety. The visual, emotional, and mental overload is just too much for our brains to process—especially for kids and teens whose brains are still developing.
So what do we do?
We’re living in a world that’s quickly shifting toward more AI, automation, and screen-based living. And none of it is going away. If anything, it’s accelerating. The truth is, most of us are addicted to our phones.
We must empower ourselves to live intentionally, mindfully, and consciously with technology.
We must take back our attention. We must challenge the compulsive urge to constantly look at a screen.
Here’s how you start reclaiming your presence—one boundary at a time.
You are not alone in this struggle. We are all trying to figure this out. But it starts with one decision, one conversation, and one boundary at a time.
People aren’t present with each other like they used to be. We’re not connected to the beauty around us because our eyes are constantly glued to our devices. We are making ourselves victims to something we actually have the power to choose differently with.
Step into your power.
Do something different.
Technology boundaries are personal guidelines that help manage your time and energy around devices. These can include screen time limits, no-phone zones (like during meals), or time blocks for being offline. The goal is to create more space for mindfulness, real connection, and mental rest.
Our brains get dopamine hits from checking phones—likes, messages, notifications. When that stimulation stops, we feel withdrawal-like symptoms, similar to addiction. It’s not just in your head; it’s a real psychological and neurological response.
Not at all. Technology boundaries are helpful for everyone—whether you use your phone a little or a lot. It’s about intentional use, not elimination. Boundaries can improve focus, relationships, and your sense of peace.
Start with open, non-judgmental conversations. Share how phone use is affecting you emotionally. Then suggest practical steps like phone-free meals, device-free bedtime, or tech-free family nights. Make it a shared journey—not a rule.
Totally valid. If you rely on your phone for work, set boundaries around when and how you check it. Try scheduling “check-in windows” and use Do Not Disturb during off-hours or meetings. Even small shifts can create more breathing room.
Some people feel more present and calm within days of creating boundaries. For others, especially if screen time is deeply ingrained, it might take a few weeks to adjust. The key is consistency, not perfection.
Yes! Boundaries don’t mean you have to quit social media entirely. It’s about being mindful—maybe that means checking in once a day instead of hourly, or setting a 20-minute scroll limit. Use the tool, don’t let it use you.
💬 Need Support?
Overwhelm, burnout, and emotional disconnection can all be signs of deeper mental health needs. Explore AM Health Care’s therapy and addiction recovery services to find the help that’s right for you.
